"My body is my ally"

I tried something new last night - guided meditation. My acupuncturist was selling this CD, Health Journeys Guided Meditation Help for Infertility, and raved about it. Being the good shopper, I found it on Amazon for a few bucks cheaper (hey, every little bit helps when you're paying for IVF out-of-pocket!). I listened last night and some of what she said had me in tears...which probably isn't very relaxing for me but what can I say...I'm uber emotional right now. Her voice seemed kinda goofy at first, sooo monotone but peaceful but I fell under her spell...to the point that I ended up falling asleep! So when I wasn't crying or sleeping, I really enjoyed it - LOL! I'm really thinking I need this positive energy this time around...I need to envision it happening, feel my belly getting bigger and tight, imagine my best friend sharing pregnancy/baby tips with me... I do think there is something to be said about the mind/body connection and I'm really trying to tap into that.

This cycle is different from the last - I think DH and I have grown a lot. It's not so shameful and I'm more open about it, which is refreshing. We have so many people pulling for us this time, praying, thinking good thoughts and it makes me feel less alone. And God forbid, if it isn't successful, yeah more people will know but I don't think I'll be embarrassed about it like I would have been last year. This isn't our fault - we both live exceptionally clean lives and take care of ourselves. And since we've been trying to conceive, I literally feel like we've done EVERYTHING we could to make it happen. So I can't think we didn't try hard enough. When DH is rubbing burning mugwort over Sharpie-indicated points on my back, and my belly looks like Connect the Dots from needles and a Sharpie - I know we've done it all. So now I have to accept that my body is "my ally, my oldest friend", and will continue to sustain my life and make a nourishing home for my baby's (that's my meditator's line, but I like it!).

I did find somewhere to go tomorrow for my ultrasound - the doctor's office who did IVF #1. So I have the additional incentive to get these ovaries to respond so I can knock his socks off! Mr. Insensitivity, nothing I can do, move to donor eggs! Take that! My first ultrasound showed 5 follicles, 2 on the ovary that had the cyst removed! So I'm encouraged. :)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I hope we can all find something to be thankful for even if we're in the toughest chapter of our lives.