TCM or how to become a hypochondriac

Ugh. I'm just kind of pooped today. Tired of thinking about babies. Tired of wondering what's wrong with me. I read that dang traditional Chinese medicine book, "The Infertility Cure," last night (very exciting evening, I know! But I have a hard time finding "me" time sometimes) and it bummed me out. Basically, there are 11 conditions, 8 of which I possess. Now I know I'm being dramatic and self-diagnosing should be taken with a grain of salt but it was overwhelming. I feel like I'm a healthy person. But when you get down to the nitty gritty questions, yeah I guess I do get dizzy when I stand up fast and I am thirsty a lot...holy cow, all of my organs are deficient! I don't even think I could follow the recommendations in the book cuz my multiple conditions contradict themselves...eat spicy foods to up my Yin, don't eat spicy foods cuz I'm too much Yang... My sister recommended the book and I almost called her last night at 10 pm to see how many conditions she possessed, I was so bummed out. And to say thanks a lot! I'm not a hypochondriac but it was a joke with my best friend cuz whenever one of us had an ailment, I'd go to my Dr. Koop's book and then diagnose Malaria or something completely random. So I probably need to put "The Infertility Cure" away for a bit. But, then I tried to fill out the paperwork for the CCRM and I saw similarities between its questions and ones in "The Infertility Cure" (which is probably good meaning they take a holistic look at things). I just think I need a vacation. Somewhere beautiful within roadtripping distance so we can take our puppy. :)

Third opinion's the charm?

So we have a phone consultation with CCRM on Sept. 10. I was happy we didn't have to wait too long to talk to the dr. but it's also kind of scary cuz I really feel like this could be our last chance. Of course, they're not covered on our insurance because they're out of network so we'd be footing the entire bill ourselves. I did kind of think maybe we should go ahead with a place in town (even though they gave me a 10% chance) and "use up" the rest of our infertility insurance benefit and then move on to Colorado if need be. Ahh, why is this insurance stuff so complicated? But I should be glad we have some benefit, I know. I can't complain after seeing Sicko, that's for sure. Who knows.

Tomorrow night I may be going to yoga with a co-worker who's being really supportive - she doesn't know the whole story, just enough to be dangerous (ha!) - and her teacher has some poses that could help with infertility. And my sister recommended "The Infertility Cure," a book on traditional Chinese medicine that is going to result in me eliminating essentially all the foods I eat. I flipped through it at Border's Saturday night and just got so mad that my situation may result in me performing femoral massages and ingesting herbs like Angelica and white peony...when my friends say "oh, we weren't really even trying."

In other news, it's ironic how many people I've encountered recently who have made alternative (is that the right word?) choices...I guess it's the same thing as noticing all the pregnant women in a 1 mile radius of you, but my radar is now also set on people who've adopted or decided to remain childfree. One woman, a co-worker of DH's whom I've met several times, volunteered to go to dinner with us (or just me) and relate her story of living childfree. She's at peace with it all now, and involves children in her life by volunteering and being active in her nieces/nephews lives'...it seems like she could be the poster child for this choice, which is awesome for her. But I do feel like our counselor has us focused on what options we'd consider if we have to (which is good and appeals to my organized self) but I feel like I'm overlooking the fact that there's still a glimmer of hope for us. And my gosh, I have to hold on to that first.