Love one another this Christmas

I've been a little absent lately. It's still just hard to believe my news. We're contemplating sharing the good news later today at Christmas Eve (with one family) and on Christmas Day (with another). But I'm hesitant because it's still so early and it all feels so surreal. I'm not strongly exhibiting any symptoms, which I should be grateful for, but it kinda makes me feel like a phony. Maybe I'm a LITTLE more tired, my breasts are more sore than usual, but that's it. As far as I know, everything's doing great in there but I sometimes feel like it's a dream.

I did see my acupuncturist last week and she was VERY encouraged with how I'm doing. I was a little unsure about doing acupuncture because I wouldn't be able to know if it helped or not. But I got on the bandwagon, thinking it couldn't hurt. Before we left town for CCRM, she predicted they'd retrieve 10 eggs (which I questioned, saying, "Really? With only one good ovary?!") and 3-4 would be useable. To refresh your memory, they did indeed retrieve exactly 10 eggs, and we ended up with two transferred and two frozen - 4!! And apparently she predicted I'd get pregnant (a very important tidbit which would have made the 2ww so much easier but I apparently forgot that part of her prediction!). So I pretty much think she's a miracle worker. ;) Therefore, her opinion on my state of being is very much appreciated.

I'm sure other IFers who've received a BFP have felt this way. I want to relish in it but instead I'm almost afraid to plan, talk about it, for fear of jinxing things. I'm certainly not complaining, I just wish I wasn't wired this way. I'm sure once we get to see the baby(s) on ultrasound that I'll be reassured and put at ease. That all happens next week and it can't come fast enough! :)

This Christmas, I'm thankful for the wonderful ladies I've met through this forum. Your support for me, even if you were in dark days, is astounding. I'm keeping you all in my thoughts as we head toward a new year...and who knows what it will hold?

Here's a goofy little cartoon for my fellow furbaby parents...my dog was subjected to this but she does wear a nordic sweater/coat outside in the snow...too cute!

Gimme an E! Gimme a G! Gimme a G!

It's almost time for our vacation/doctor's appointment and I can't get too excited for this trip. I'm sad to be leaving our dog - it's the first time we will have left her since she's been in our life. We used to travel quite a bit - at least before we started TTC. As I'm sure you all can relate, I'd turn down the idea because maybe I'd be pregnant and shouldn't be on a cruise ship with my sister, or we should save money because who knows how much our insurance will cover, or then we did visit my husband's best friend in LA and DH had to give me my shots on the friend's bed as we were preparing for a cycle. And now our traveling may be waylaid for our four legged baby! Such is life. Leaving her the first time will probably be the hardest.

I really hope once we are in the mountains (doing the fun part of the trip) that it's not too cold. I checked weather.com and I'm now wondering if I need to pack gloves! Hopefully we can canoe or horseback ride or otherwise get in touch with nature. That type of peace will be good for me.

I really have no idea what to expect from the doctor visit. It looks like an all day type of thing although I'm not sure we need some of the scheduled, standard tests due to our situation. There is such a sense of finality around this clinic's opinion/results. But DH and I were talking last night and he said we've survived bad news twice before; we know we'll be okay if we hear it again. But with this being our last shot, it's gonna be different. Hopefully it won't get to that. I have to have faith in my body that it's not totally failing me. Some test results we'll have to wait on; at least one test should give us some info that day (counting antral follicles?), I would think. I've been silently cheering on my ovary, hoping I'll see lots of activity on Tuesday. And I've been praying that nothing else has gone wrong - with my one cyst already, I pray to God no others have developed. I hate to even write that, for fear of jinxing anything. I just HATE this feeling of betrayal by my own body. I know the few of you who read my blog will be thinking of me and I appreciate it. Being able to "talk" about this with people who really get it is invaluable. Thank you.