Sorry...

Well I'm sure any faithful readers I had have since given up on me and I can't blame ya. Two and a half months is a long time to be away from my blog. It seemed strange to just leave things hanging, though. So I'll quickly get us up to speed....
I am currently 34w2d. Amazing. It was always my intention to carry these babies up to term and I'm still hoping, praying, that I get to do that. I think that attitude has helped me and I've taken it easy in order to accomplish that. Of course, there's more to it than attitude. Being "extremely tall" has certainly helped. I'm really not an Amazon woman, but it's become a joke between DH and I because so many people at the doctor's office have commented on my height (almost 5'8"). These babies have found room to grow and that's the most important thing.
I've gained 50 lbs...holy cow. And I'm not really sure where it's all going, other than in the belly. And the babies don't weigh that much sooo....my thunder thighs are for real. :( As for the babies, at our 32 week sono, they were 3 lbs. 14 oz. and 3 lbs. 12 oz. So now they're probably a little over 4 lbs. each -- yay babies!
My doctor has decided to induce me at 38 weeks, I guess cuz they'd be pretty big at that point...she's predicting 6 lb. babies which I think is a little optimistic! And a little scary, considering they have to get out. ;) Given their good baby head down positions, we'll try for vaginal birth. I'm not buying the whole, once one baby is out, the other one just follows after. I think there's probably more pushing, etc. involved. So our babies day is 08/11/08. We half tried for 08/08/08, which is a Thursday but my doc is also predicting a "long induction" (of which I need to get clarification of!) and she's off on Fridays and then it's the weekend. So we're going with Monday. Fine by me! Whatever day it is, it's going to be amazing! :)
I have been very blessed with a relatively easy pregnancy. I had one scare in May, which turned out to be the flu...but I wasn't sure if it was baby-related at first or not. My cervix was a little short when they checked it and since then, they've been very diligent about my cervix. I also received orders to lay on my left side for 3-4 hours/day.

My most annoying pregnancy side effects:

• Random hiccups, since about 12 weeks (I sound like I've been hitting the bottle)--and there's no rhyme or reason to them!
• Acid reflux/heartburn
• Swollen fingers (that hurt like my knuckles need to be cracked) and toes
• Pelvic pain (from two baby heads spreading my pelvis apart -- yikes!)
• Hip aches, from laying on my left side (it was hard to make that transition from back to side)
• And this is fun: actually passing gas as I walk...I've never been one to fart; it typically stays in to the point that I'm bloated and miserable from gas pain...yeah, not anymore! Luckily, I don't get out much in public...it sure is sexy for the DH, though... ;)

As for my daily activity, I was in the office every day until the first part of July when I requested full-time work from home. My boss has been very understanding and she granted my request. I think I'd probably be on modified bedrest, had she not. I just get sooo tired from the littlest things these days. DH is running this house: grocery store, drug store errands...as is my mom. She comes over to help me out with cleaning, laundry, dinner, works in my garden...I am so grateful to have this kind of support. I hope once the babies come, we have loads of support from even more people! Every twin book I read emphasizes how you'll really need this. Time will tell...
I will likely be absent again for a while--who knows--my next post could be the babies announcement! I wish you all the best. And thank you for the support, inspiration, and camaraderie that pulled me through it all. :)

Overdue update

I have been very absent from the blogosphere and I can’t pinpoint exactly why. I guess I turned to blogging when I needed to connect with people about the very intimate obstacles I was facing. With pregnancy, it’s in your face and everyone is happy to share their thoughts/advice/horror stories/happy stories with you. But I have been checking in on you all and still love the relationships here. It’s funny—I attempted to start a public blog that I’d share with family and friends for updates on my pregnancy and then later when the babies come. I had such a hard time writing even one post because I felt like I needed to censor myself. I’m used to being so open and honest here and not being judged about my feelings/decisions/whatever. But when you’re out in the open, even though it’s with my loved ones, there are some thoughts you want to keep private. I definitely do want a public blog because my sister is a thousand miles away and babies change so quickly…but until I have cute baby stories, I’m struggling.

All is going great with this pregnancy! I have gained 30 pounds which blows my mind...especially when people continue to say "gosh, you sure it's twins? You're not very big!" (I find that rather offensive, probably because I worked so hard to get pregnant, I'd like to LOOK pregnant!). I did start physical therapy because I was having some sciatica (sp?) and some shoulder pain which limited my activity even more (heck, sometimes feeding myself hurt my shoulder so bad!). It has DEFINITELY helped! I felt a little bit like a wimp because I started early in my pregnancy but my therapist has been so excited about that because she feels like we'll be able to ward off any major problems, should they attempt to arise. She says there's no reason moms-to-be have to be miserable. So I highly recommend it! :) I also had an ergonomic evaluation done at my cubicle at work and that seemed to help as well.

We start our childbirth class tonight and I'm excited about it. Not that it hasn't sunk in that we're gonna have two babies, but I think it'll make it even more real (and potentially freak me out-LOL). I attempted to get in to a sooner class (my OB recommended we start around 22 weeks - it's a 5 week class - and instead we're starting at 24 weeks) and the receptionist was trying to talk me out of it. I have no reason to think I'd deliver this early but I'd much rather have this info under my belt than not. One of DH’s coworkers was pregnant with twins and due a month or so before us…the wife had the babies at approx. 24 weeks (one was 2 lbs, the other 1 lb) and the smallest one died a few days later (I guess it also had some heart issues and potentially spina bifida that was diagnosed while in the womb). Just absolutely heartbreaking. Not that I would ever take a good report on our babies for granted, but this makes me even more grateful for every good report we've had.

DH painted the nursery over the weekend and it looks perfect! It's nice being married to a guy who takes pride in his work. The soft yellow (nice, gender neutral color since we're not finding out the sexes!) really makes it look like a sweet baby's room. Now I just need to figure out how to make my organization dreams come true. The room is small so I decided to remove the doors from the closet and treat it like a little alcove, with the changing table and a bookcase/cubbies in there (see inspiration photo on left). Unless I pony up the money for the Pottery Barn goods, I'm not sure where I'm gonna find a similar system. I thought it'd be easy (Container Store, Target, etc.) but I'm not having much luck.

For all of you still on that difficult path, you're in my thoughts. I keep hoping for your dreams to be realized sooner rather than later...

6 random things

Well I've NEVER been asked to do any of these things so I feel like this is another part of initiation into blogging. How exciting! :) Thanks Waiting Amy!
So here are some random things about me...but first, the rules:

1) Link to the person who tagged you.

2) Post the rules.

3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.

4) Tag at least three people.

5) Make sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

Here goes...

1) We've had a lot of snow this year and I realized I really love animal tracks in the snow. It could be my dog's little paw prints, a birds, or some random animal that stumps me...I had a book on tracks when I was a kid and that must be when the fascination started. :)
2) I'm really good at remembering numbers...phone numbers, totals at stores, etc. Also, I have this weird habit of adding up/multiplying/dividing the individual numbers. Like 236, cuz 2x3=6. You'd think I'd have been more interested in math due to this...
3) I love doing crafty things (sewing, scrapbooking, making cards, knitting, etc.) but I can't wait to get to the finished product that I often rush through things, sometimes to their detriment. I've not had uneven sleeve lengths or anything like that but I could do a better job if I wasn't so impatient!
4) I've weighed the exact same weight - to the pound - since high school (well pre-pregnancy). And I've never dieted (I think I make good food choices except when it comes to sweets!) or worked out regularly. I say this not to "brag," but cuz I really think it's kind of amazing in a science/physiology way. I just hope my body remembers my usual weight after the babies!
5) When I first saw my DH - hadn't even spoken to him - I knew he was going to be someone special. On our first date, I introduced him to my parents (well I lived at home but I could have easily not put him through that!). It was a long, bumpy road to get to our commitment stage but it was worth it. I'm having to work pretty hard for the good things in my life...all worth it.
6) I am dangerously attached to our dog. We decided we'd get a dog if our first cycle wasn't successful...and we joked about how it better be the world's cutest dog to help us get over our loss. Well she is. I've never had a pet before (my mom is allergic to everything!) so it was uncharted territory for me and she is just a joy. Everyone comments how we're gonna push her aside when the babies come, like we won't have time for her. The way I figure is we made a commitment to her when she joined our family and yeah, it'll be harder and different but she's still gonna be our first baby. Our lemonade (you know, life gives you lemons...). Here she is, really enjoying the snow-LOL!

So that's 6 random things about me. :) That was fun!
Let's see what SingleTracey, Rebecca, and Denise have to say...

Twin article

Interesting twin article...

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/11/nyregion/11bigcity.html

It includes a mention to CCRM and how they encourage just one embryo transferred--not subscribing to the "two for the price of one" philosophy, even though DH said that very thing right as our doc was doing the transfer. Dork. ;)

Little baby heartbeats...

All is well. What a wonderful thing to say. :)

There was some initial frustration because the receptionist had rescheduled only the doctor's visit, not the sonogram. Not the part that we've been dying to do, not the part that DH made sure he'd be available for (instead he got to witness the pelvic exam and pap smear - woo hoo!). So could I come back in an hour and a half? The sonographer just left…grrrr. DH had an afternoon meeting and I couldn't believe he was going to miss out on seeing them and potentially HEARING them for the first time. Unbeknowst to us, my OB was planning on finding the heartbeats so we were able to satisy ourselves that they are at least still in there! What a sound! It almost brought tears to my eyes and it just sounded so "cute"…little baby heartbeats. So not seeing them didn't seem like such a big deal after that. But they were able to squeeze me in as soon as the sonographer got back. And I'm so glad they did! They've grown soo much and look the most like babies than they ever have. I asked the sonographer if you ever see them move when she's doing these…she asked me to cough and lo and behold - they moved! Little baby arms and little baby legs stretching out (better stretch out now while you can, babies!). Next time, we can bring a DVD -R and they can capture the whole thing for posterity's sake. As a kid, wouldn't that be an amazing thing to see?! Yourself (and your bro or sis), while you were still in your mom? Wild! I'm just in awe of all of this.

I also got answers to my O- blood type and whether one twin could be + blood and the other - (yes, I know I think about/worry about everything!). And I was given a 3 day long vaginal suppository to return my woman parts to a good place. Apparently all those progesterone suppositories can irritate your cervix.

I was disappointed DH couldn't be there for the babies' big moves, but all that matters is that we got another good report! It gets more and more real each time I see 'em. Like we're really gonna have twins!!!! WOW!!!!

Random thoughts...

DH and I were so excited to see the babies yesterday at our appointment…so much so that we'd moved it up a week, not really wanting to wait a month in between appointments. Only to get a phone call yesterday morning that our doc wasn't able to make it in and they were rescheduling her appointments - BOOO! Luckily, it's only a couple more days (Monday). But I tell ya, the days are just dragging by cuz I'm focusing so much on getting to the next week…and Saturday is 12w! What a milestone that is! :)

I realized the other day that I'm totally pulling a J. Lo. In that I haven't shared my good news with but a handful of people at work…and it's probably getting obvious that something is going on under my clothes! But speaking of J to the L.O., I am really annoyed with her. This whole "twins are genetic" thing really irritates me. She's like 38 - I think most of us can gather she had a little help. And just own up to it. People's perceptions of infertility are not going to change when we have public figures (who could create change around the issue) hush-hushing it. I'll get off my soap box now, sorry.

Other than that, not a lot to report. I really want to decorate/furnish the nursery in a "green" way but I'm finding that rather difficult to do. I want non-toxic finishes on cribs, organic mattresses, good no-VOC paint (would love to pull up the carpet but it's like brand new and DH isn't down with that) and all of these things are apparently elusive or really expensive. And when you're buying two… But isn't it just wrong that things made in a more natural way are more expensive? What is wrong with that picture?

I spoke with my sister last night and was really afraid I'd upset her with baby talk. I think I mentioned before that she got pregnant in November 2006, the same time our 1st cycle was canceled. Unfortunately, she miscarried shortly thereafter. Now that I'm pregnant, she's preparing to have a uterine fibroid removed, which is apparently a major surgery and will obviously delay their baby making. I'm trying to be sensitive and really share info just when she asks. But last night I made a comment on how I was getting bigger and she got all quiet on the other end. I quickly changed the subject to other news from my week but it just made me so sad. Why is life so complicated?

Sheesh, this post became kind of a downer. Ooh, so I'll end on a good note: my company has "expectant mother" parking spots in the parking garages and ever since I've been married, I've DREAMED of the day I could park there. Well last Friday I went down to Security to get my pass (the gal didn't even want to see my "I'm pregnant" doctor's note, dang it!) and I got to park in one of the illustrious spots on Monday! It was so EXCITING! It's the little things, right? ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~UPDATE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~UPDATE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I can talk the talk but not walk the walk. I just got a phone call from my acupuncturist who's going to be featured on the local news due to a new study showing acupuncture is beneficial to IVF patients. She wanted to know if I'd be willing to talk to a local reporter on camera about my experiences. Many thoughts ran through my head…one: everyone who saw the report would know I had difficulty conceiving (even more awkward considering hardly anyone at work knows I'm pregnant!); two: I have one large pimple on my chin and it seems like local news always do extreme close ups where you can't even see the entire person's face; three: I'm shy and would likely blubber my way through the interview. But dang…the universe was giving me a chance to be a voice for IF and I can't do it.

1st trimester thoughts...

I'm really bad at keeping up with this blog lately. Plus it's awkward to know what to write about. I don't want to isolate readers with "baby baby" talk…but that's amazingly enough my world now. I didn't know if I'd ever get here and now that I am, I find it hard to fully embrace it for fear of…what, I'm not sure. I feel confident in my babies (even though I'm on sonogram withdrawal - and I just moved up my next appt by a week!) and my body and I'm slowly sharing the good news with more and more people…I just wish I could accept pregnancy with the same gusto I always figured I'd give it.

I'm almost through my first trimester, which means I may have avoided morning sickness. I've had general nauseau (and now I'm experiencing an inordinate amount of saliva, which does not help with the nauseau, let me tell ya!) but have not actually thrown up, thank goodness. I'm slowly getting over some of my weird food issues and actually cooked twice this week. Last week, we ate out every night and while I was healthy with my choices, I felt guilty about it. So I actually bought ingredients for meals (what a concept, right?) and that's really the trick. For such a Type A/planning personality, you'd think I'd be better about meals…but I just don't care enough about food to plan in advance. So eating enough has been a challenge at times. Kinda like this cartoon…

I've been reading a couple books that have provided insight to being a twin parent. Twinspiration is written by a twin mom and she is honest about everything! DH has been reading it too and it's nice how he's more aware of how I might be feeling, etc. He's even using the terms, like "mommy brain." Okay, so it's not nice to insult your pregnant wife's memory problems but at least he's attributing it to pregnancy and not me just losing my mind! Twins, Triplets, and Quads seems a little more suspect…have any other twin moms-to-be seen this one? It's soo dire…I'll definitely be on bed rest, I should absolutely quit working by X week, if I don't eat mini-meals every two hours my babies will be underweight/premature, drink a quart of milk per day, etc. So if anyone has any recommendations on twin pregnancy books, I'd love to hear 'em!

One of my cycle sisters, Tracey, was faced with the fragility of life last week and suffered a miscarriage at 9 weeks. Her posts have been so moving and really show how strong she is. But I'm sure she'd love any extra support.

And another is enduring the 2ww…sending lots of luck your way, Denise!