We met with our counselor today and discussed what we can do if we get bad news on Monday. I was nervous and trepidacious to begin with but it kind of hit home how much is riding on this phone call. It's just not right to receive news that can change the course of your life over the phone. It was good to talk about how we could memorialize our unrealized dream but it was sooo upsetting to me. And also, if we do receive bad news, I don't know that I'll be satisfied...I don't know that I'll ever be satisfied. I guess it's just the matter of not knowing really when to quit, or when you've done "enough."
I'm really too bummed to write much more but another thing we discussed (and that I'd kinda like feedback on) is whether to go to the hospital when my best friend has her baby in less than two weeks. The timing is obviously awful, whether we get good or bad news. Our counselor said that other women have said hospitals (specifically maternity wards) are exceptionally upsetting to women in my situation because it's just a sea of pink and blue and babies. She's worried that if I were to go, it'd be a "setback" for me. And I get that, but she's like my sister. I don't know that I can be so selfish as to not be a part of the happiest moment in her life. The counselor said it's not being selfish, it's protecting yourself. And I guess if the roles were reversed, I would understand if she didn't want to visit me in the hospital. But I don't know. She's scheduled for a C-section so perhaps I'll have to go out of town on a last minute business trip...I'm officially a chicken.
Sorry to be short. Just feeling blue. I am supposed to figure out a few things to do just for me (there may be Godiva in my future) so maybe that will cheer me up.
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