I want a happy blog

I'm trying not to freak. DH says "prepare for the worst, hope for the best." Fortunately, I have a funner than usual day at work with a video shoot and other things to pass the time. I checked my personal e-mail and saw that my best friend has set up a blog to correspond with out of town friends re: the baby. As luck would have it, she's using the exact same blog template as me. At first, it made me woefully sad to see such happy news on what looks like "my" blog. There are no IF links on the left side…instead I can view other happy pages devoted to other friends' baby's. I sigh and take it as another way the universe is just f*cking with me. But if I look at it in a different way, maybe this is a glimpse into what my blog may someday look like. Maybe someday I'll post "brag worthy" pictures to share with my sis out of town and relay baby's first steps online…honestly, I can't hardly even imagine that. I was reading a gal's blog yesterday and she had become pregnant after years of trying…but she said she felt like an outsider reading the normal pregnancy blogs, like she was still emotionally tied to the IF side. And I think that's how I'd feel. It's defining and consuming.

So pray/hope/cross fingers/blow on dice…this next chapter of our lives is about to be revealed. I know that no matter what, we'll be okay. But I just want it to be "normal."