Tuesday, October 9
Ahh logistics
One more thing I need advice on...I'm going to have to talk to my supervisor about taking time off work to travel for my cycle. The doc wants me in town for the last 4 days (I think) before egg retrieval. And then I'd stick around after to amount to a total of almost 2 weeks. I'm not as concerned about getting it "approved" or what to do (FMLA, or voluntary time off, etc.) as I am about what to say as to why I need this time off. A gal on my team recently had a medical issue and my supervisor was very supportive and the whole team rallied around her. But it's so different dealing with this kind of stuff. Plus I'm a little gun shy about opening up about this at work. During my last cycle, my old supervisor appeared to be very supportive of me...I even had to cancel a (pointless) business trip to stay in town for injections. But then a different supervisor overheard her BEFORE A STAFF MEETING talking about my difficulties conceiving (which was all speculation, I might add, as I hadn't told her the real deal) and it got back to me. Obviously, I was LIVID. I had expressed to her that I wanted to keep this confidential and then she blabs about it in a room full of people??!! I was ready to report her to Ethics (cuz I am so much a "this is right, that is wrong" kind of person) but laid off cuz I figured I had enough to deal with. Instead, I involved a higher up who was very sympathetic and got me moved to a different (but not current) supervisor (and I ended up doing more of the type of work I wanted to anyway so it worked out). But it's always bothered me that she got off scott free with no one (but me) knowing how ridiculously unethical she is...hopefully this rant made sense! So even though I LOVE my current boss (she's about my age, has two girls, struggles with being a working mom, we've got lots in common, shared political views) and she appears to be a very thoughtful, compassionate person, I'm not sure how much to share. If I say I'll be going out of town for medical treatments, then she'll ask if I'm okay...I'll have to say yes, it's not life threatening? That sounds dramatic but vague. Do I say it's female stuff? Arrgh, this is going to be hard for me cuz I hate to lie (even if it is by omission). What if I elude to baby stuff and again I don't get pregnant? It'll just be another person to feel humiliated in front of. What if she does leak it? I don't want to chance our relationship being ruined. How do you handle this out of town business? I'm at a loss.
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3 comments:
I said I needed day surgery and left it at that. My boss pushed a little and I just never budged, so cuz I didn't, he let me off and didn't push any further. For me, my boss knowing is not a good thing as I know for sure he'll punish me for leaving, so mine's different maybe, but for me, not telling unless I have to worked better. Good luck with telling or not:-)
My two cents: If she's as understanding and compassionate as you describe, I'd go with something along the lines of "I have to undergo surgery to help me combat some fertility problems" -- which is true, but it gets you outside the actual IVF discussion and second guessing about whether pregnancy will result immediately. The description could just as easily be a laparoscopy or some other medical procedure. Depends on whether you're comfortable raising the fertility factor...
I wish I had all the answers but your boss sounds like someone who will understand. For me, I told my boss almost everything and he knows about my fertility issues. For my last cycle, I needed to go away for over 2 weeks out of town for my donor cycle. I didn't tell him about the donor but I told him I'm switching clinics because I've had so many failed ones here. So he know I was doing an IVF. I actually took some vacation time with it (and used some sick days for it). But I ended up using most of my vacation days on this cycle. I trust my boss and he doesn't share it with anyone. It is hard when he knows though because he did ask me about this cycle and I felt so defeated and embarassed it didn't work again. So I can understand your fears. But for me, it was easier being honest. Maybe you can have a heart to heart and let her know how private it is. Just do what you feel comfortable with. I'm sorry maybe I'm not helping...
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