Please stay

So we bought a HPT at the grocery store last night, even though DH swore he could wait until Friday (and then he's telling me to take it before we even unpacked the groceries!). Since I've never had the good fortune to take one of these before, we were unaware that it's recommended you do it first thing in the morning. What a killjoy. And then neither of us were too keen to do it this morning regardless of the outcome. "Yay, we're pregnant! See ya after work!" "Holy crap! All that hard work with nothing to show for it...later!" So at this point, I guess I'll just wait for my beta tomorrow.

Obviously, I have been rather obsessed, researching any and all possible early pregnancy symptoms. Pee smelling different, your privates changing color, and the obvious sore breasts. On some days, I think I possess all of these symptoms; other days I have no faith at all. I went in to work this morning for some meetings and all I could think about was: "am I, or aren't I?" And if I'm not, how am I going to feel next week when there's no reason to hope? And if I am, I'm gonna be the happiest damn person in the office, I'll likely be transparent!

I'm clinging to my faith that these babies have stuck around. After my last cycle, my religious faith really suffered and my outlook on life in general was altered for the worse. Somehow, someway, I have come back around and involved my loved ones and involved God in this cycle. So many people have "good feelings" about it and I feel like I'm swirling in a bubble of positivity. And the signs...I've hesitated to mention them for fear of jinxing things...but c'mon! Our babies' due date is our wedding anniversary and also my Grandma's birthday (who passed away the year before we got married). I've just GOT to think it's my Grandma's way of telling me, all the way from heaven, that this is going to work and we'll be meeting our baby(s) soon. I mean, of all the days in a year to have a due date - what are the odds it'd be this very special day??!!

Please pray for us. I hope I'm not building myself up to just face disappointment tomorrow. The babies have GOT to know how loved they already are and how much we want them. Surely they'll stick around for that...

5dp5dt

Not to steal Carrie's idea but I totally agree with her! I need a cryptically titled post (yes, I had to look up exactly what it stood for - it's my first time, what can I say?!?!). We should wear these titles like a badge of honor! I have a newfound understanding for all the IFers who have had posts like this in the past...I read about how awful the wait was, the temptation to take a HPT, reading into every potential symptom...but until you experience it, gosh, you have no idea. This is awful! And with a day 5 transfer, the clinic said if the embryos were going to implant, they would do so within 24 hours of transfer. That seems like such a short window and yet I'm waiting and hoping until this Friday on the someone(s) who've already made their decision whether to stick around. In true form, the roller coaster continues with me feeling so positive one minute and Negative Nelly the next. I am back at work today, which has thankfully occupied my mind. But the lack of new television programming tonight due to the writer's strike is going to allow my mind to wander...ahhh! ;) I just want to say thanks again for the words of support from my small but mighty blog friends. It's uncanny how many of us are cycling together, considering I'm not a "power blogger" or anything. We can make it, I just know it. :)

Am I a good hostess?

I'm off bedrest and back at the computer! Transfer went great - they transferred 2 embryos, one 4AA, the other 4BA. Everything went really well - no pain or anything. The nurses were amazed how quickly my bladder filled and I actually had to relieve myself before they did it. One of them said, just wait until you have someone competing for that bladder space! I really love how positive everyone was but it also kind of freaked me out. I told DH, could it really be this easy, to get pregnant off our first full IVF cycle? Only an IFer would say something like that! Like anything about this has been easy!?!?! But we were so blown away by good news after good news that I have to have faith this will result in a pregnancy and we'll get to meet the little one(s) in 9 months.

The bedrest went good - of course I'm willing to do anything that will help this work. I did get annoyed at one point because it'd been about 3 hours of DH and my dad playing PS3 in the other room while I was prone in the bedroom. Apparently they thought I could entertain myself endlessly! I was also a little disappointed in our dog, who wanted nothing to do with me while I was in bed. Strange, because she usually whines and jumps up if I'm even SITTING on the bed, wanting to be near me. Maybe she was trying to give me space, maybe she was insulted by the idea of us wanting two-legged babies. ;) Now that we've made the drive home and we're back on our own turf, I'm happy to report that we've made up. :)

And the wait begins. Perhaps the hardest part of this whole thing. I'm just praying praying praying that I'm pregnant. And trying to visualize what it'd be like to have the round belly and the home filled with baby sounds. Keep sending those positive vibes, please!

P.S. They were able to freeze 2 additional blastocysts, both in great shape. I didn't quite understand what happened to the last one...it developed too quickly or something. But 4 out of 5 is remarkable I think! :)