Please stay

So we bought a HPT at the grocery store last night, even though DH swore he could wait until Friday (and then he's telling me to take it before we even unpacked the groceries!). Since I've never had the good fortune to take one of these before, we were unaware that it's recommended you do it first thing in the morning. What a killjoy. And then neither of us were too keen to do it this morning regardless of the outcome. "Yay, we're pregnant! See ya after work!" "Holy crap! All that hard work with nothing to show for it...later!" So at this point, I guess I'll just wait for my beta tomorrow.

Obviously, I have been rather obsessed, researching any and all possible early pregnancy symptoms. Pee smelling different, your privates changing color, and the obvious sore breasts. On some days, I think I possess all of these symptoms; other days I have no faith at all. I went in to work this morning for some meetings and all I could think about was: "am I, or aren't I?" And if I'm not, how am I going to feel next week when there's no reason to hope? And if I am, I'm gonna be the happiest damn person in the office, I'll likely be transparent!

I'm clinging to my faith that these babies have stuck around. After my last cycle, my religious faith really suffered and my outlook on life in general was altered for the worse. Somehow, someway, I have come back around and involved my loved ones and involved God in this cycle. So many people have "good feelings" about it and I feel like I'm swirling in a bubble of positivity. And the signs...I've hesitated to mention them for fear of jinxing things...but c'mon! Our babies' due date is our wedding anniversary and also my Grandma's birthday (who passed away the year before we got married). I've just GOT to think it's my Grandma's way of telling me, all the way from heaven, that this is going to work and we'll be meeting our baby(s) soon. I mean, of all the days in a year to have a due date - what are the odds it'd be this very special day??!!

Please pray for us. I hope I'm not building myself up to just face disappointment tomorrow. The babies have GOT to know how loved they already are and how much we want them. Surely they'll stick around for that...